Memories
by Disuse
Summary: [Kikyoucentric] And now, Kikyou realized, in order to forget, she must remember, and she had to realize, these memories, that's all they were...Just...memories...


An InuYasha fic from a ToS authoress? Le gasp! Heh, anyhow, this fic is Kikyou-centric with some InuYasha mixed in. Nothing much to say but please, enjoy!  
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A lone woman sat down heavily, kneeling beside a river for a moment and closing her eyes wearily. She'd stop for but a moment, just a moment long enough to rub a bit of dirt off of her robes. Just a little break. Letting out a small sigh of exhaustion, she scooped a bit of water into her hands, splashing it onto her face as she looked at her reflection. She touched her face gingerly, almost not believing that she was back, hell, she didn't want to be back. She wanted to go back into her eternal rest, the one fit for a woman who spent her life devoting herself to others, not being thrown into this world where she was viewed as evil.

Kikyou was amazed at how she looked the same, flawless, up to the small birthmark on her stomach. Her eyes were different. She wasn't soft, innocent, pure, anything she was before, she wasn't now. It had taken all she could to bind a previous lover, and she hadn't understood how her lover could have had enough malice in him to kill her. _Kill her_.

Of course, now she knew, it wasn't him, no it wasn't him at all, but the damage was done. As she looked inside the water, and stared at it, her reflection looking so much like her, she gave a small sigh, trying to remember, just one thing. Sitting there, she remembered how he was when she first met him—an ill tempered, sharp tongued rude thing, not worthy enough for a second chance, but when looked through a priestess' eyes, any would be worthy for another glance.

Kikyou paused for a moment, shaking her head, willing the memories to come back in full, to see her former lover as she once saw him—only by doing that could she let go.

Then, he softened up to her, his voice growing thick with concern, his eyes softening and apologizing for the numerous times he has been rude, although not all of them. Once, when she fell, he caught her and they just stared into each other's eyes before hugging one another close together—it was almost like a fairy tale, besides the fact that when he kissed her head, sharp fangs punctured her skin. She paid it no matter; No matter how much pain she felt, it wouldn't weaken their bond. They had the decency to fight, to quarrel, but they also had the decency to make up, talk it through.

For a moment, Kikyou felt a hint of remorse, but quickly shoved it down, closing her eyes. She had to remember in order to forget.

She had begged him to become human, so he wouldn't have to suffer from being secluded. So they could live together without secrecy, so that they could be known, so that he would be happy. So that they could love, and perhaps bear a child without the said child being cursed with his demon side. She just wanted to stop this charade, let there be no boundaries, let there be nothing stopping them from loving each other, unless their love wavered.

Kikyou stood up abruptly, her hands closing into fists, tears stinging behind her eyes, tears she wouldn't shed. This was the part she had to remember, to get over, this is what she must do to get over it. To get on with this fake life so she could finally move onto death.

Then, claws dug into her back as she crouched down, her mouth forming his name silently, and even if she screamed his name, he wouldn't come, that she knew by what had just happened. A mere whisper escaped her lips.

InuYasha.

Fire flickered around her, in her eyes as she readied her bow, her eyes stinging with the smoke and self induced tears, her hands shaking as she whispered prayers. Kaede. The village. They must be safe. This beast who she once had known had destroyed her trust, and endangered the ones around her, so as she let go of the bow, she immediately collapsed, hugging and pounding her lover long gone, his body, whispering and screaming all the while, why, why, why….

Now, looking into the lake, she sighed, for now, she saw the fire reflected in her eyes. Now, she fought back her tears she had shed too many times in the past.  
Now, she saw the memories seep away like the water in her hands; it was no use trying to regain it.  
Now, she tried to let go, as she whispered fiercely, "…These are merely memories. Just…Memories…"

At a campfire close by, a fire crackled merrily as one with an eerie likeness to the one mourning for her lost love sat beside the said lost love. Kagome hummed a bit as she took a sip of the broth of her soup, looking around nonchalantly. Little did she know that her companion was staring at her, her face shining in the firelight, and he saw the firelight reflected in her eyes. The fire dancing, he saw her face, reflecting the peace that he remembered, saw her smooth hands that had pounded at his chest. Now, not wanting to lose another, his gaze softened, his mouth opening slightly as he grabbed onto her shoulders, staring at her intently as he had done when catching his lover in the past. He just stared and stared, then pressed her close to his chest, kissing the top of her head as sharp fangs punctured through, but she paid it no notice. "InuYasha…What's wrong?"

Upon hearing this voice, so unlike the lover he had once known, InuYasha looked away, off into the distance, willing his sorrow not to be shown in his face as he gave a sigh, "Nothing...Just…Memories."  
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Did you like it? Hate it? Well, please, please, please, R&R!


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